If we are to feel safe sleeping in our beds at night, we must strike this evil from our village. Think of the children. At long last, won't someone think of the children?
Jimmy John, you know what I'm talking about! Can you honestly look your young Sally in the eye, and tell her, no, No, I DID not kill the monster, and in fact it will probably come for you in the night and devour you whole?
And speaking of monsters, when's the last time we had a good monster killing, anyhow? 3, 4 years? That's too long. Oh, sure, Ed had that two headed goat, and we got all riled up about that, indeed, but in the end the thing just soiled itself and bleated while we bludgeoned it to death.
But if the rumors are to be believed, the thing in that tower is 20 stones high, breathes fire, and uses baby bones to pick its teeth. Now that's a monster we can all be proud to tear asunder. Nothing at all like Ed's sorry goat, and a damn sight more impressive than Norma's suspicious colored squirrel, I can tell you that.
So as the law in these here parts, I say that it is your civic duty to get worked up into a frenzy, forgo all reason and due process, and kill anything that is a monster or has monster like qualities. In fact, if Proposition 831 passes (and it should), taking part in a monster killing mob will actually be enough to get you out of jury duty for a year.
So let's have at it!