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Roy Janik

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schmonster [Nov. 19th, 2001|06:28 pm]
Roy Janik
People, please. Now is not the time for rest and calm. If we are to have law and order in our town again, we must tear the monster limb from limb.

If we are to feel safe sleeping in our beds at night, we must strike this evil from our village. Think of the children. At long last, won't someone think of the children?

Jimmy John, you know what I'm talking about! Can you honestly look your young Sally in the eye, and tell her, no, No, I DID not kill the monster, and in fact it will probably come for you in the night and devour you whole?

And speaking of monsters, when's the last time we had a good monster killing, anyhow? 3, 4 years? That's too long. Oh, sure, Ed had that two headed goat, and we got all riled up about that, indeed, but in the end the thing just soiled itself and bleated while we bludgeoned it to death.

But if the rumors are to be believed, the thing in that tower is 20 stones high, breathes fire, and uses baby bones to pick its teeth. Now that's a monster we can all be proud to tear asunder. Nothing at all like Ed's sorry goat, and a damn sight more impressive than Norma's suspicious colored squirrel, I can tell you that.

So as the law in these here parts, I say that it is your civic duty to get worked up into a frenzy, forgo all reason and due process, and kill anything that is a monster or has monster like qualities. In fact, if Proposition 831 passes (and it should), taking part in a monster killing mob will actually be enough to get you out of jury duty for a year.

So let's have at it!
LinkReply

Comments:
From: ex_foot17
2001-11-19 07:46 pm (UTC)

It's...

Cubits, not stones.
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2001-11-20 12:44 am (UTC)

Re: It's...

alright.
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2001-11-20 07:50 am (UTC)

Re: It's...

hands, not cubits.

So is thisan IHSC skit or script for live action? Who is the speaker? Do we audition?
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2001-11-20 11:49 am (UTC)

Re: It's...

It for the angry mob demanding the release of the monster from the UT tower. Rally scheduled for the 28th. so you'll have a mob of peasants around a podium with various speakers taking turns. I've already written 3 speeches. Here's a list of people speaking:

local sheriff (constable)
keeper of the tower
monster's creator
the monster's wife
generic tough guy
superstitious woman
little boy who learned a little bit about love from the monster
corporate executive who wants to study the monster.
just some guy, promoting a rave.
cheerleading squad
Bishop Prevelance
president jack s. carlton
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2001-11-20 12:19 pm (UTC)

Re: It's...

:-(
I am so far behind the curve.
What speeches are done?
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2001-11-20 12:22 pm (UTC)

Re: It's...

So far, I've written bits for the monster's creator, the keeper of the tower, and the local sheriff (which I posted to livejournal).

any other personages can be added as well. This was just the list I came up with.
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[User Picture]From: vyvyanbasterd
2001-11-20 12:34 pm (UTC)

Re: It's...

I'm hoping this will be the event that we finally get arrested for, as it's been my dream for some time. We ARE doing the peasant bit, right? And what do I get to do as "tough guy"?
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[User Picture]From: ericfish
2001-11-20 12:33 pm (UTC)

Re: It's...

I won't be able to attend this event next week, and I'm not any good at writing funny speeches, so someone else should take over the corporate executive's role.

And is it just me, or am I being type-cast?
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2001-11-20 02:34 pm (UTC)

Re: It's...

What time is it going down? I doubt I can make a matinee either.
This should be a weekend event, like a football game thing. Much bigger crowd on our side and the audience's. Plus, we are GUARANTEED to get arrested on a game day.
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[User Picture]From: vyvyanbasterd
2001-11-20 02:42 pm (UTC)

Re: It's...

No way...this one disrupts school. We're doing it during the week.
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2001-11-20 02:48 pm (UTC)

I guess I'm just jealous at you people with easy schedules.

Granted, but you'll be three speeches in before people realize what the hell is going on, what with class or whatever going on. Further, no parents. Also, no media coverage. Wouldn't like to be on the 10 o'clock news in handcuffs?
I guess I enjoy the fact that on a game day or some such, people might think you were seriously part of some school sponsored production, thinking the monster is some refernece to the other team. They'd have to slowly come to the conclusion that you are just looney.
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[User Picture]From: vyvyanbasterd
2001-11-20 02:55 pm (UTC)

Re: I guess I'm just jealous at you people with easy schedules.

I don't have an EASY schedule, but I'll turn in some of my vacation time to do it.

And trust me, when we did the Pro-Pollution Rally (or even Professor Weiner, PhD, DDS, TWE!) we had a SHITLOAD of people there. And what's to stop us from getting media coverage? Channel 8 is starved for it. Lastly, I don't think we could get a permit to do it on the weekend, anyway.
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2001-11-20 03:11 pm (UTC)

Re: I guess I'm just jealous at you people with easy schedules.

Oh I would turn in vacation time, I just don't have any left. I'd already requested the last of it off at the end of December. I only had a pawltry 5 days all year anyway. Next year I'll get more.
You want to get arrested, but you will only do a skit with a permit? tsk, tsk!
I guess I, and this is just a personal opinion, thought this particular idea was funnier the longer you were there. The Hot Dog and other events are: guy in hot dog, no plot line, always something different, or something along those lines, this seems like it is more linear. Not fully linear, but more so than most. And much more cumulative.
And for me personally, I don't see the joy is disrupting class by getting people to skip. I skipped just for the hell of it when I was in college. It's the parents and people not typically on the UT campus, the ones that wouldn't walk up and say "Oh, BUH again?", that I find joy in taunting and enticing. After all, the past several events have included people immediately identifying the people responsible for the mayhem, and in some cases, even mocking us. What about spreading the chaos around a little, to people who don't know of the knighthood or what it does?
"Son, I'm so glad you chose this college, and I'm glad I finally was able to take the time and spend the money to travel all the way here to visit you for this, your last home football game of the season. Thank you for the tour of campus also, it is very beautiful...oh, what's going on over there? Did they say monster?"
Perhaps this isn't the event to do that with, but I just wanted to throw it out there. If I can make up a bad metaphor on the spot: I say we've played with the minnows long enough and it's time to catch us some halibut. Sorry, I told you it was bad.
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[User Picture]From: vyvyanbasterd
2001-11-20 03:18 pm (UTC)

Nay, says this brown cow...

This event has been my dream for a long while. For some reason Cha-Chee kept shooting it down. But at any rate, here's my rebuttal:

1) We get a permit because that way we're not IMMEDIATELY arrested, and we're not GUARANTEED to be tossed out. We can at least go for a while.
2) Who the fuck cares about the parents? I certainly don't. I guarantee that they won't find it nearly as funny as students. By the same token, the people that would be on campus during a game day aren't going to laugh at it, either. We want the weirdies.
3) Past experience can't be argued with: Glass half full/half empty debate (BUH's first) was done on campus, during a game. No response. Pro-Pollution rally really made an impact; I hesitate to say it was our first BIG event.

That's a pretty sound argument, I think.
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2001-11-20 06:05 pm (UTC)

Re: Nay, says this brown cow...

Oh I would never bash the idea, I hope you didn't think that. I think it is the damned funniest thing I've heard out of the organization for as long as I've known you. Damn funnny.
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[User Picture]From: vyvyanbasterd
2001-11-20 08:01 pm (UTC)

Re: Nay, says this brown cow...

Oh, I wasn't implying that you were knocking it. Sorry if it came off that way.
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