Roy Janik (zinereem) wrote,
Roy Janik

herein lies the tale of the past few days or so.

Here's another extraordinarily long post. But there's lots of stuff to recount. First, we'll start with the important messages...

Happy Belated Birthday to Wes! You're a brickhouse and all that. When's your apartment warming party?

When are we going to Ren. Faire? Saturday or Sunday?

Now to tell the tale of the wedding, in randomly remembered snippets:

Well, this really starts on Wednesday. My plane was set to leave at 7:15AM, so I decided that since there was absolutely no way I would wake up in time, I'd best just stay up all night. I started with homework for my fun but difficult cryptography class. That took forever, and once I had packed, showered, and sent out some tower storming related messages, it was time to go.

I was dressed in my default "suave" outfit... bright blue oversized suitcoat, black plants, skinny black tie, light blue button down shirt. I was carrying my concertina and laptop. For whatever reason, I was selected for the random 2nd security screening on the way into the plane. I guess my suit was too loud. This happened to me on the way home, too.

Anyhow, blah blah blah, several hours go by, and I arrive in Newark. Phil is there to greet me, looking for all the world like a pirate disguised as a cowboy, what with his new boots and cowboy hat. So we made quite the pair. We made it to our hotel without incident, and met up with the bride and groom... and shortly thereafter with Dana & Misty

That night we drank... A LOT. Chris and Phil both threw up. I simply passed out. The last thing I remember was repeatedly telling Rusty (Chris's brother) to keep it down.

Dana, Misty, Phil & I headed for NYC bright and early to experience the bright lights and such. It was all very impressive, but what I really liked was the subway. I'm sure the novelty wears off rather quickly, but it was great. First off, it makes the most wonderful ghostly noises as it arrives and comes to a halt. Second, it sort of shakes a lot. Third, you can walk between cars while the thing is moving, which seems insane to me. Fourth, this happened:

*2 guys walk into our car*
Dana: Umm, it's 20 minutes till 4:00
guy 1: NO, IT'S DOO-WAP time!
*and the guys proceed to doo-wap around the car until they've collected some money. Then they head to the next car and repeat the performance*

We eventually ended up in Battery Park, where we saw a bronze cowboy on a cigarette break, a silver robot guy who made noises every time he moved, and a guy in a bad Austin Powers costume. We also saw the Sphere, which used to stand in the World Trade Center as a symbol of international peace, and which has been reassembled in its broken, scraped up state as a testament to the enduring human spirit. Which it is, but it also featured the sign which said "DO NOT TOUCH THE SPHERE", which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Getting back from NYC, we met up with Bonnie and her assistant Sean, had the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, etc... The night passed without incident, unless you count being creeped out by the minister.

This was the big day... so naturally we spent the first part of it watching both Addam's Family movies. You know, as much lip service as that kooky family gives to torture, murder, and mayhem, we don't really ever see them kill anyone. Even the villains kill themselves.

Anyhow, during the movies, I also wrote my best man toast, which went something like the following:

"I first met Christ in the 4th grade, which was a long time ago. My first memory of him is walking into class with way too many books and falling flat on his face. But I'm not going to recount the tale of our friendship because there's far too much to say. Instead, I'm going to talk about a movie. It's called the Princess Bride, and Chris & I first saw it in probably the 5th or 6th grade. This film has everything: pirates, adventure, sword fights, comedy, albinos, giants, geniuses, rodents, and true love.

From the very beginning, it was obvious that Chris shared certain qualities with the leading man, Wesley, the Dread Pirate Roberts: a sense of honour, loyalty, and duty... a powerful intensity to everything he does. Not to mention a love of swordplay, a quick wit, and a propensity to wear black.

We watched the Princess Bride over and over and over and over again. Over the years, Chris acquired the ultimate Wesley the pirate costume... Black garb, tall black boots, mask, sash, and sword. He had the outfit, and the attitude, but he was missing one thing... You see, mainly, the Princess Bride is a love story. And not just love, but true love. Unstoppable, irrefutable, break down all barriers, travel across the world, conquer death, fight off hordes of monsters kind of love. And in Tamara that's what Chris found.

But I don't have to tell you that. You can see it every time he looks at her, speaks of her, or opens a door for her. Chris may not have to fight off an evil prince and his henchmen to win the hand of Tamara, but he would... in a heartbeat. And there is no doubt that Tamara's love for him is as great. Theirs is a fairy-tale love made real.

So here it is:

A toast... to True Love!"

Eventually, Chris, Phil and I went to the church to prepare, which just meant stewing around in the back while waiting for the girls and guests to arrive. We played with tinkertoys awhile and said stuff like "yup" and "reckon" and "whoopin'" a lot. This is also when I came in possession of the wedding ring, which I obsessively checked on every few minutes.

During this time, I had a wonderful conversation with Chris's dad:

Chris's dad: So, Roy, are you married?
me: Nope!
Chris's dad: Engaged?
me: Nope!
Chris's dad: Just in a long-term relationship or dating someone?
me: Nope!
Chris's dad: ...
me: And thanks so much for bringing it up!
Chris's dad: I take it you recently had a bad breakup..
me: well, about two years ago.

The wedding went off without a hitch, Stuart Smalley-esque minister and all. The reception was loads of fun, though I was confused by the lack of a Czech polka band. Instead, we got a cheesy DJ, who, to his credit, did play "She's an Angel" by They Might Be Giants when it was requested. We also had an open bar, and more appetizers than you could shake a stick at (I know, I tried!). As for Phil & I, being the groomsmen, it was up to us to decorate the getaway car. But, knowing Chris's feelings about his vehicle, and fearing for our lives, we just left him a note:

"We REALLY REALLY wanted to decorate your car, but we know that we'd be in big big trouble if we did. So here's your decoration: [sketch of car with decorations] Phil & Roy"

After the festivities, we headed to the nightclub in our hotel where we met up with other people from the wedding (all of whom are charming and on livejournal... see Phil's post for details).. And then Phil disappeared with someone, who shall remain nameless. Dana, Misty, Bonnie and I hung out in my room for a while, and then I passed out.

Phil, Dana, Misty and I returned the tuxes, and had a yummy buffet. Phil and I then tried to find something to do for the day in New Jersey, since our flights left in the evening, but failed. We ended up spending several unnecessary hours in the airport, staring at passerbys. I *did* get to play concertina while riding the monorail, so it wasn't a total loss.

I returned home to the smell of toxic goop, and a mostly finished egg costume.

the end.
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