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Roy Janik

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a tale about nothing. [Mar. 19th, 2003|02:32 pm]
Roy Janik
I originally posted this as a response to another post, but I spent enough time on it to post in here.

---
In gym class, in the 5th grade, we had a coach with what I can only assume was Tourette's Syndrome. I used to know his name, but now all I can remember is that kids used to call him "Coach Twitch" behind his back.




That was pretty mean, but he had it coming to him. He was angry, bitter and tended to yell a lot. You know the type... the stereotypical gym coach. I'm pretty sure he was cloned and sent to every school in the world.



Anyhow, one day he was particularly peeved about something or other, and he had us all sit down in well-spaced rows on the gym floor. He then bellowed that if he heard another word out of any of us, we'd get in serious trouble. Oh yeah, and he twitched.

Now, as you may be aware, I am very clever. So whenever he said "I don't want to hear another word" I immediately got an idea-



It was simple, really. I turned to my friend sitting next to me and pretended to talk... but didn't make a sound. I don't know why, but it amused me.

It did not amuse Coach Twitch.



He immediately hauled me into his office to proceed to yell at me. In those days I was very much of the mind that's "What's fair is fair", and since I hadn't actually been talking (and thus hadn't broken his rule) I felt I had done no wrong. I tried explaining this to him. I'm really not sure what I expected to happen. Like Coach Twitch would step back and say "Touche', my wily friend. You have won the battle of wits... this time".

No, instead he just fumed a lot, turned red and yelled. He also said the word "shit". I distinctly remember this, because I considered it horribly unprofessional. I think I said so. I’m not sure, because eventually I started screaming, and crying, and then it all goes black.

In the end, I didn't get in much *real* trouble, so it was really a non-event. But since I seek approval from everyone, and I wanted to be the perfect student, I still think about it.

Anyways, the story doesn't have a climax, but I did learn several things.
1) The world doesn't give a damn if you're clever.
2) The world doesn't give a damn if you're technically right.
3) I have no control over my emotions.



There's an epilogue, too. Shortly thereafter I went and visited Mrs. Huppenwaser, the Nicest and Oldest Teacher in the World(TM). She gave me a mint, and I got to lay on the couch in her classroom.

The end.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2003-03-19 12:31 pm (UTC)
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever read.
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2003-03-19 01:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Although "Where the Red Fern Grows" still has it beat, I think.
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[User Picture]From: nekomouser
2003-03-19 01:35 pm (UTC)
That's true. The part at the end of "Where the Red Fern Grows" where that little guy finally overcomes every obstacle to play in the last two downs of the football game and then gets hoisted up on everyone's shoulders...man, that makes me cry just thinking about it.
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[User Picture]From: airelav
2003-03-19 12:51 pm (UTC)

great story

*too bad thats very familar*
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2003-03-19 12:53 pm (UTC)

Re: great story

heh. Well we did go to the same school!
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[User Picture]From: airelav
2003-03-19 12:56 pm (UTC)

Re: great story

yeah yeah

great drawings though. I like the one with the tear.
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2003-03-19 12:59 pm (UTC)

Re: great story

Wait, so am I actually ripping something off without realizing it? I was just speaking from memory.
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[User Picture]From: airelav
2003-03-19 01:18 pm (UTC)

Re: great story

hehe, no I meant the teachers...
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[User Picture]From: zeitgeist
2003-03-19 03:48 pm (UTC)

Burlingame.

Neh?
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[User Picture]From: zinereem
2003-03-19 06:43 pm (UTC)

Re: Burlingame.

ah, thanks!

I think the story works better if I don't know it, though, so I'll leave it as is.
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[User Picture]From: kitashiroi
2003-03-19 07:49 pm (UTC)
I never once had a mean gym teacher guy. I always had the butch ladies with the short mullets. Or the ladies who really wanted to play softball but just weren't good enough.
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