Roy Janik (zinereem) wrote,
Roy Janik

a tale about nothing.

I originally posted this as a response to another post, but I spent enough time on it to post in here.

In gym class, in the 5th grade, we had a coach with what I can only assume was Tourette's Syndrome. I used to know his name, but now all I can remember is that kids used to call him "Coach Twitch" behind his back.

That was pretty mean, but he had it coming to him. He was angry, bitter and tended to yell a lot. You know the type... the stereotypical gym coach. I'm pretty sure he was cloned and sent to every school in the world.

Anyhow, one day he was particularly peeved about something or other, and he had us all sit down in well-spaced rows on the gym floor. He then bellowed that if he heard another word out of any of us, we'd get in serious trouble. Oh yeah, and he twitched.

Now, as you may be aware, I am very clever. So whenever he said "I don't want to hear another word" I immediately got an idea-

It was simple, really. I turned to my friend sitting next to me and pretended to talk... but didn't make a sound. I don't know why, but it amused me.

It did not amuse Coach Twitch.

He immediately hauled me into his office to proceed to yell at me. In those days I was very much of the mind that's "What's fair is fair", and since I hadn't actually been talking (and thus hadn't broken his rule) I felt I had done no wrong. I tried explaining this to him. I'm really not sure what I expected to happen. Like Coach Twitch would step back and say "Touche', my wily friend. You have won the battle of wits... this time".

No, instead he just fumed a lot, turned red and yelled. He also said the word "shit". I distinctly remember this, because I considered it horribly unprofessional. I think I said so. I’m not sure, because eventually I started screaming, and crying, and then it all goes black.

In the end, I didn't get in much *real* trouble, so it was really a non-event. But since I seek approval from everyone, and I wanted to be the perfect student, I still think about it.

Anyways, the story doesn't have a climax, but I did learn several things.
1) The world doesn't give a damn if you're clever.
2) The world doesn't give a damn if you're technically right.
3) I have no control over my emotions.

There's an epilogue, too. Shortly thereafter I went and visited Mrs. Huppenwaser, the Nicest and Oldest Teacher in the World(TM). She gave me a mint, and I got to lay on the couch in her classroom.

The end.
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