private entries? as a member of your troupe, I demand to see some of these private entries. haha.
From 1999 (copied into livejournal from a real jounal:
On another note, I'm really unsure about my future after the next 3 months. I can either go to grad school in Massachusetts, Alabama, or Texas, assuming I'm accepted. The other big choice is working at IBM. It's very tempting, but I don't want to get sucked into the corporate "rat race", you know? What I really want to do, and I've though about this a lot, is start my own Renaissance Festival. And make it "THE" Renaissance Festival. So we'll see. That's my dream, anyhow. And I think it just may be possible. Well, I'd best be off to bed.
Well, I made it back from Texas alive, and I'm in love with my new car. It performed flawlessly on the way home. BTW, I just bought some new pens, but they seem to be acting up. Right now, I'm downloading some nifty mp3's, and trying to work on my music stuff.
By the by, I still don't trust you completely, diary. Sorry, but there are just some things I'm unable to write down. Let's just say that yesterday was the worst day of my life. If, in reading back on this years later, I can't remember why, I'll consider it a blessing.
Well, I've officially written more within your pages than within any journal of yore. I just finished a 24 stint at programming issue #1 of 23 Going on Eternity (www.23goe.com). I've honestly never put more hours or work into anything in my life. I'm not sure why it's so important to me, but it is. I want it to live, succeed, and breathe. Here's hoping it does (did).
To finish off, here's a quote I rediscovered last night from Chuang Tzu's Basic Writings:
"The torch of chaos and doubt- this is what the sage steers by."
Let's just say that yesterday was the worst day of my life. If, in reading back on this years later, I can't remember why, I'll consider it a blessing.
oh shit, is this what i think it is? what a scream.
So it appears the terror, hysteria and "why god why" is gone, at least for the time being. Now I'm just sad, lonely, and lost. Actually, the "Why God why" is still a damn good question.
Just got back from James's. We've started a first edition D&D campaign, using the Dragonlance modules. I'm playing Tanis. THis is fitting, considering the fact that he's brooding, and essentially hung up on Kitiara, who's left the group to join the dark forces. Gah. It was "fun", though. At least I was distracted for a little while.
Must.. not... call...
I'm naked, alone, and afraid. :)
Took her back to her car, and before she left, asked her out.
She said no.
All the old reasons. My instincts say no and not looking to date anyone. Nothing personal.
but it is.
So here's to drinking!
So the two World Trade Center buildings have been destroyed. Hi-jacked planes flew into them. Holy Hell. A piece of the pentagon has been destroyed, and another hi-jacked plane has crashed as well. It's actually gotten to me. Thousands dead, country in panic. Astounding.
I don't know what to say, except that it's messing with my head, and I can't quite get around it.
small business links from Wes:http://iplex.com/plex/capitalhttp://austin.bcentral.com/austin/stories/1997/04/21/list.htmlhttp://www.vfinance.com/home.asp?ToolPage=venca.asphttp://www.hvcc.com/main.htmlhttp://www.midnet.sc.edu/smbiz/smallbus.htmhttp://www.isquare.com/http://www.score.orghttp://www.sba.govhttp://www.financialdirect.net/http://www.proposalwriter.com/small.htmlhttp://www.lib.msu.edu/harris23/grants/grants.htm#fc3guidehttp://fdncenter.org/onlib/orient/intro1.htmlhttp://www.proposalwriter.com/small.html#Planshttp://www.quicken.com/small_business/learning_center/http://www.hvcc.com/resource.html
1. use javadoc
2. explicitly spell out contracts and constraints
So nothing's been decided. I honestly don't know what I want to happen, and neither does she. I'm not too concerned. It's just pure fun so far. We'll see what turns up.
No big deal, but from earlier conversations, I knew that no one had ever gotten her a rose in her whole life, and so I was bound and determined to correct this. I weighed my options, and decided that the rose was more important than being exactly on time.
So I stopped off at Walgreens. They had nothing. So I dashed into the cool HEB, and picked out the perfect red rose... just barely opened, long-stemmed, with a tasteful assortment of leaves.
To be honest, I think the Knighthood has about a 25% chance of "making it". We're at the make or break point now (or will be shortly) where it either becomes a self-sustaining entity that depends on no one person, or it just sort of fades off into obscurity. I've thought a lot about this. The other day I had the realization that if it did die, I'd still have plenty to work on, and a rough idea of how to go about it. Dinosaur Moonpark, 23goe, Nummy Muffin, etc... So that's good to know, and it shows me that BUH's at least given me confidence or skills or something. But I still would like to see it survive. I don't know what anyone else's vision for it is, and I really don't care. I just see it as a way of getting creative people together to work on fun, almost innocent (in a very postmodern way) projects. Videos, movies, webzines, papers, events, CDs, bands, stories, video-games, shit-based mailing lists, etc, etc... And granted, we're in over our heads with some of this stuff, but more and more we're actually able to pull it off, which is fucking amazing. It makes me really happy that ideas I help generate (bubblewrap, honking event, rite of passage, etc) actually get executed, and other people do a large portion of the work.
I just want to create something that lasts.
Well, this is a strong paraphrasing of an argument I had in highschool with my girlfriend. So it's very filtered with my perception and the forgetfullness of time. But the basics are true. Back then I let my friends draw whatever they wanted to on my wall with permanent markers.
My girlfriend really hated my walls. I guess she resented them, because they represented how much my friendships and such meant to me. Basically she was jealous, which I can almost understand. Anyhow, one day it all came to a head:
her: I want to paint over your walls.
him: what? why?
her: I hate them.him: errr...
her: you love those walls more than me.
him: That's not true. It's more like they're a part of me. They've got everything written on them. Stuff we did, quotes, drawings. And all my friends helped make them.
her: not just your friends.
him: What do you mean?
her: your girlfriends.
him: that's ridiculous. Just because I used to date someone who wrote on my walls you want me to paint over them?
her: You're dating *ME* now.
him: Yes, but the walls are like my memory. I couldn't and don't want to forget the past. It'd be like just wiping out the parts of me you don't like.
her: It's not fair. The walls are full. There's not even room to write on them anymore.
him: hmmm... You could do what Chris did. Just write on a piece of paper and then put it on the wall with a tack.
her: A TAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?!?!?!
I'll never forget her yelling "A TACK" like that. It was amazingly loud and full of indignation, tears, and anger. Plus, just the fact that it sounded like "ATTACK" somehow made it resonate.
Ultimately, we compromised. I said "fine" and gave her some paint and a brush and told her to paint over anything that offended her. When she was done, everything written by an ex-girlfriend was gone. Even more amusing, everything that had been written by some girl she perceived as a romantic threat was gone.
Right, so I'm now 26. I hereby dub this year the year of restraint. To that end:
1. I will not partake of alcoholic beverages.
2. I will cut down my drinking of soda.
3. I will eat out no more than 2 times a week. This does not include meals where the caloric count is known and acceptable (Subway, Taco Bell chicken soft tacos, etc).
4. I will try to make do with the toys I already have... That is, no big tech purchases.
5. I will always eat reasonable portions.
6. I will do some form of exercise twice a week.
7. I will do an honest day's work, or else make it up later.
There, that should be hard enough.
God, I'm really going to enjoy weighing 155. I have no doubt in my mind now that I can make it to that weight. Although my self-image has never been that high, I think that I'll be reasonably handsome then. At the very least, I'll be able to wear form-fitting suits and not worry about it.
That's it. When I hit 155, I'm going to blow 500 dollars on a really nice, tailored suit. That'll be incentive enough to not gain my weight back.
A_1. ((p > q) > p)
1. A_1 -> ((p>q)>p) -axiom
2. -> p | -p -axiom
3. A_2 -> p -axiom, p follows trivially
4. A_3 -> -p -axiom
----- To prove p, we need to first prove p>q, so we assume p (again)
----- I'll show this as a distinct assumption from 3, just to be clear.
5. A_4 -> p -axiom
6. A_3, A_4 -> by (-E), from 4,5
7. A_3, A_4 -> q by (T), from 6
8. A_3 ->p>q by (>I), from 7
9. A_3, A_1 -> p by (>E), from 1,8
10. A_1 -> p by (|E), from 2, 3, 9
11. -> ((p>q)>p)>p by (>I), from 10
Not quite broken up. We're going to try and work things out.here's hoping.
Roy, Your STD tests were negative for Hepatitis, HIV, syphilis, and GC/Chlamydia. Since you are not immune to Hepatitis A or B, I recommend that you get vaccinated. You may do so by making an appointment in GMB
So somehow or another I got promoted. This sort of seriously affects my financial situation.
So maybe we should talk about that.
Also, there's some other stuff we might as well discuss, too. I know early on you told me that it probably wasn't a good idea to make extra payments on my house. But I'm still tempted. I mean, seriously, if I stick to a pretty strict budget for a few years, I could have a significant chunk of what I owe paid off, and that's nothing to sneeze at.
The other thing I was thinking about was that the fact that we've been doing all this planning with the assumption that I'll be at IBM for the rest of my career. But the fact is, I really don't know what my plans for the future are. It's entirely possible that in a few years I might decide to start a business of my own. Or maybe I'll decide to retreat into academia and be an underpaid absent-minded professor. Or maybe I'll join the circus. So perhaps my plan should reflect the fact that I may need to be flexible cash-wise a few years down the road rather than at retirement.
So basically, item #1 is that I'm going to have more money soon and item #2 is that I want to make sure that the plan as we go forward keeps my options open to make use of that money.
Rome was great, but it sucked at the same time, as there was no one to share it with.
Why do I remember this? Maybe because it was the worst fucking day of my life. Could be.
problems with the moonbase
*wonky/old furnace/ac unit
*leaky roof, apparently
*abyssmal yard (front and back)
great night with a great girl and a great band.
What comes next?
Even my dreams deny me.
Those weren't all of them, you undertand. But I tried to include some juicy bits.
2005-12-09 07:58 pm (UTC)
I order you to have more of these so-called Game Knights! For I shall defeat them all in glorious combat!
I'm so jealous that your life is so interesting and hmm...what's the word I'm looking for...ah, yes, "Stuff"
I'm serious. I'm kind of pissed at you right now.
I know that's dumb, but I can't help it.
It's like, I'm pissed at you for all the reasons I've always liked you as a person. Jesus, that is dumb.
I'm seriously thinking about deleting this and not commenting, but I think I'll post it anyway so I can always peak back and see what a crazed fool I am.
So seriously, what was the dream about?
My private entry about the dream went:
"Last night I dreamt that maybe if our two kids hadn't drowned, we'd still be together."
Interpret that as you will.